Faith

I know I have alot of past posting to do, but that will have to wait until I have pics to remember all we've done. That would involve finding the camera for which I just found the charger for in the storage unit today. So for tonight just a ramble. We were asked yesterday to speak in sacrament meeting in our "new" ward next week, by our bishop who is also my uncle. When he stated that the topic would be faith I sighed. I know that we are asigned these things more for our benefit than those we speak to, but really?? My faith is waivering right about now (can I stand up and say that in a sacrament meeting where all my family will be listening?) We are so sure that we did the right thing by moving here, but... why then haven't we sold our house for the original asking price and moved into the home of our dreams here, why aren't we accepting callings in a new ward where we will spend the rest of our lives, why haven't I landed that "dream job", why is my husband never here, why am I so worn out at the end of the day from watching over the kids so that they don't ruin anything here at my mom and dad's house, why did I have to hold our dog as the vet administered the shot to end her life? Why, why, why???

Well I guess it all has to do with the fact that I have more to learn about faith. As I have started reading in preparation for my talk the thing about faith that stands out most is the part where we are supposed to believe in the things we can't SEE. I have a hard time with that. I want to know all the who, what, when, where and why's about what is happening and what is going to happen. Right now I feel as though I am left out of the loop and I want back in! I've been reading a talk by James E. Faust on faith. He talks about all the amazing technology and knowledge that we have now but reminds that "man has never discovered anything that God has not already known". So for tonight I will sleep (or try to), knowing that my Father in Heaven has a plan for me! He knows who I am and all that I am worrying, and rejoicing about. In fact he worries and rejoices right along with me. So I will continue to go forward with all the faith that I can muster and try to learn all that I can along the way.